Et tu, Oignon?

I want you all to read this, my goodbye email upon leaving The Industry Standard in August 2001:

Area Man Thanks Co-Workers For 'Unforgettable Ride'

Low-profile researcher, Jeff Palfini, a recently laid-off employee of local tech magazine The Industry Standard, thanked his co-workers via e-mail today for 'an unforgettable ride' prompting dozens of the people he was 'proud to work with' to rack their brains to recall who the hell he was.

"I'm pretty sure he was the guy who fixed my computer last week," said one editorial staffer who asked not to be named. 'But whoever he is, he must know me since I got this e-mail saying that he wants to 'keep in touch no matter what happens.'

Human resources expressed similar quizzical feelings.

"I wish I had some inkling of who this guy was," said one Standard HR representative. "It felt a little hollow writing 'we wish you the best of luck in the future' on his dismissal term sheet, under the circumstances."

Palfini, who has been employed at the Standard in one capacity or
another for more than a year, showed up at many company gatherings and parties, but failed to do anything to stand out, instead hovering around the free food tables and ordering two beers at a time at the open bar.

Although Palfini thanked upper management for its 'constant support' and 'a wonderful opportunity', at least one member of the senior management could not recall providing any such thing.

"To be honest, I almost had to check my files to see if we even had an employee with that name at the company," said Standard CEO John Battelle.

"Though I don't remember hiring, firing or ever employing anyone with that name," he continued, "the e-mail did come from jpalfini@thestandard.com, so I guess I must have."

At press time, one Standard employee had reported 'some hazy recollection' of Palfini and his contribution to the magazine. But insiders at the Standard report that this person also claims to have seen Elvis selling hot dogs at a Giants game.

Now I'd like you to read this article from The Onion dated September 8th, 2006.

First there was Joe Biden, then Jayson Blair, later Ann Coulter, and now this. Mr. Onion Writer, you better own up, because I have a response to my goodbye email stamped with a time code, and as we all know, that is very difficult to fake.

I'm warning you, don't fuck with me, or you learn the hard way like some companies in this article did when I got all pro se on dey ass.