Like Rats From a Sinking Ship

The news today is that Colin Powell and three other Cabinet members have tendered their resignations. So far, that's 6 of 15 Cabinet members running for the exits. The list:

Colin Powell, Secretary of State -- relatively speaking, a real loss. Rumor has it that Condi Rice may assume his position, bringing her charm, patience and warm demeanor to what has become the toughest job on the planet.
Ideal replacement: Jimmy Carter (and you know he'd take it); Probable replacement: Condi Rice (and if she isn't interested, how about giving Henry Kissinger another shot?)

John Ashcroft, Attorney General -- You know that you're unpopular with liberals when the guy who set the interrogation guidelines at Abu Ghraib seems like he'd make a better Attorney General than you.
Ideal Replacement: NY, can we borrow Eliot Spitzer? Their replacement: Alberto Gonzales

Rod Paige, Secretary of Education -- Hmmm...interesting. So far, two of the three African-American members of the Cabinet want out. If only Paige would take 'No Child Left Behind' with him.
Ideal replacement: Noam Chomsky! Probable replacement: There is talk of exhuming General George S. Patton

Spencer Abraham, Secretary of Energy-- Let's see, he fought for drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and was very chummy with Enron, having received contributions to his Senate campaign, thereby earning a place on Ken Lay's speed-dial. Made a call to Lay just days before the Enron scandal broke.
Ideal Replacement: National Forest Service's Woodsy Owl (Give a Hoot...); Probable Replacement: Ken Lay

Don Evans, Secretary of Commerce -- An old buddy of Bush's from their days in the oil business, Evans replaced overly opinionated former Secretary Paul O'Neill who disagreed with all those tax cuts. Evans didn't make the same mistake.
Ideal Replacement: Paging Ralph Nader...; Probable Replacement: It's neck and neck between Martha Stewart and Rip Van Winkle.

Ann Veneman, Secretary of Agriculture -- There goes one of the three women in the Bush Cabinet. She is also the first woman to hold this position. This will be no big loss as she is known as an enemy to organic and family farming and a friend of agribusiness, genetically-engineered food and the WTO.
Ideal Replacement: Shit, I Don't Know; Probable Replacement: the Jolly Green Giant